Blog

There’s a phrase that echoes through locker rooms, boardrooms, and battlefield briefings:“Man up.” Two words. Simple, sharp — and often, silently destructive. Over the years, I’ve seen men break bones and keep going. Push through illness. Bury grief under laughter. Keep performing, keep providing, keep showing up — even when they’re running on empty. But when it comes to mental wellbeing, there’s one truth we can’t escape:Men are still struggling — and they’re still doing it in silence. The State of Men’s Mental Health: What the Research Tells Us Let’s look at the reality: We are conditioned — by culture, by upbringing, by social norms — to suppress. To perform. To endure. But at what cost? Lessons from the Frontline During my career in the military and Special Forces, I learned how to operate under pressure. Compartmentalise pain. Control emotion. It was necessary. In some environments, showing too much vulnerability could be the difference between safety and danger. But no mission lasts forever. And when the dust settles, what happens to all that pressure we’ve packed away? The answer is: it doesn’t disappear.It leaks out in other ways — through burnout, short tempers, insomnia, loneliness, or that constant gnawing sense that something’s not quite right. Resilience Isn’t Suppression Let’s be clear: resilience isn’t about suppressing what we feel. It’s about processing it — and still choosing to move forward. I’ve had to relearn this myself. And now, I spend my time helping others do the same — through leadership coaching, team retreats, and one-to-one work that blends mindset training with real human connection. The men I work with — from CEOs to soldiers — aren’t broken. They’re human. Capable. Committed. But often disconnected from themselves. Running on autopilot. Wearing armour long after the battlefield is gone. Creating Space for Real Strength That’s why, during Men’s Wellbeing Week, I’m not interested in generic hashtags or half-hearted awareness posts. I want to start real conversations.Ones that acknowledge the truth: that many men are fighting battles nobody sees — and they need a different kind of support. Not just the offer of a 15-minute wellbeing check-in. But time. Trust. Environments that feel safe enough for them to take the mask off. Sometimes that space is in a barn in Herefordshire. Sometimes it’s on the side of a mountain in Bavaria. Sometimes it’s during a night patrol exercise in the Brecon Beacons, where leaders learn what it really means to rely on others. Wherever it happens, the shift is always the same:From pressure to presence.From silence to strength.From isolation to genuine connection. Changing the Narrative If there’s one thing I want men — and the organisations around them — to hear this week, it’s this: The most courageous thing we can do is start being honest. With ourselves.With our teams.With the men we lead, live with, and love. Let’s rewrite the message — from man up to speak up. Not just this week, but every week. – Paul Vicary Leadership & Resilience Coach | Former Special Forces | Advocate for Men’s Mental Health